Ask Uncle Dave

"Each day, a new "greatest bike ever" is invented but we're so far up our own asses that we don't know what to do with it..."

"I can assure you, he is this obsessed with his t-shirt and he did, in fact, think about using a second rate vibrator on his bicycle..."

"Is it possible that wearing my flat-rimmed hat while driving the family mini-van will scare the shit out of a hipster as I drive by..."

Figuring out a rooftop tent set-up makes building up a mid-90's DH bike look tame by comparison...

Is your FOMO out of Control?

"It's like jamming a cucumber down the urethra of a flaccid penis. I would imagine. No fun. No fun at all..."

"I’m a little bit saddened that Specialized Gravity thought that this was the fourth most important piece of information..."

Uncle Dave is here to cheer you up - by making you feel better about your 2016 - but at least he's still keen on sharing music...

"If we all start riding like that, we’re not going to have any trails left due to all the damage we will cause and people we will piss off..."

"Maybe some cop saying you can’t drink a beer on the beach. Or some old guy with a moustache lecturing you trailside about your mountain bike..."

"I crashed 10 years ago and my tooth turned blue. Should I get it fixed and give up my bluetooth joke or keep it..."

"I waded through pictures of myself peppered with insane hashtags and dog whistles**, and I actually started to feel a bit sad..."

"At night, between mouthfuls of food, we'd discuss how... the skill set of BC riders is light years ahead of us..."

"Some scoundrel, maybe even the Industry, had taken that rock and skinny filled monstrosity and replaced it with a baby-bottomed smooth “flow trail” that required zero skill to navigate...'

"The last thing I want is to travel 4hrs by kangaroo to the nearest town, only to be scrwed over by the bike shop charging double what it costs online..."

"Is anybody, at all, swayed into a purchasing decision based on the gear choice of a mid-pack Cat 1 DH racer?"

"A great fork can cover up a lot of mistakes and a bit of extra fork travel will usually add some capability to your bike..."

"Now my girlfriend wants me to sell my bikes, skis, and "extreme toys" and take better care of myself..."

“Old guys with grey beards pass me and say, “Gee, I never pass people”. Should I start commuting by bike every day?”

I'm in the wedding party and I have some obligations, but it seems like everything has been scheduled to prevent mountain biking...

"I get tense and on the wrong line, and then suddenly, my front wheel is not under me and I'm on the ground..."

"Are these people really in need of electric assistant on trails? Seems like more pure lazy convenience as time goes by..."

"I showed up in Squamish on a Sunny Tuesday afternoon and encountered a large group of lubricated Kona bicycle dealers hurling furniture into a swimming pool..."

"Thank goodness they aren’t trying to educate us on this stuff and are instead focussed on creating new acronyms..."