Ask Uncle Dave

"Old age occurs when you stop buying new equipment to improve and you start buying new equipment to mask how old and slow you are..."

"Short of hanging out at the trailhead each and every Friday evening, pleading with hoards of drunk people..."

"Should I give up hope and focus on things I am good at , things that require no innate physical gifts… like beard growing or checkers..."

I’m pretty happy if I get home from a ride without bruising or numbness in my testicles.

"Deny any problem, make no changes, continue to stress that this is the best product ever…"

"Nobody is forcing you to buy the new standard? If anybody ever says this to you, punch them right in the balls..."

Wear some kind of strange piece of clothing and then pretend that you’re from Eastern Europe...

"Like a George W. Bush era terrorist, they hate your freedom. Really, you’re just asking for it..."

"What you've come up with is actually a pretty fantastic little idea, depending on a few things..."

"What you're suffering from is a tremendously common affliction within the mountain biking community known as Trailside Inadequacy Syndrome."