Beggars Would Ride
The Thief Of Joy
There’s this climb nearby. It gains about 1600’ in five-ish miles; a mostly fire road grind with a long sandy pitch and then a couple of intense steep bits near the top. This is the only way to access a pair of spicy and ripping singletrack descents, and those two descents are the only ones within a couple hours that pack enough challenge and consequence in them to test bikes that are a bit more burly than XC bikes. So, when I am testing bikes that are a bit more burly than XC bikes, this is where I go, often. I’ve ridden this climb a whole lot of times over a whole lot of years.
Inevitably, I compare my times up this climb, taking note of my feelings on the bike. Inevitably, I find myself unhappy with this comparison. Not only am I comparing the bike I am riding against the other bikes I have ridden up this climb, but I am also comparing the “athlete” I am now with the athlete I might have once been.
The first set of comparisons, not a problem. That’s part of the job. Analysis and dissection. Testing bikes is not about trying to unlock personal peak experiences (although that can sometimes coincide with the task at hand, and those magical fleeting moments ultimately have to be reviewed and further dissected later for potential bias) as much as it is about trying to parse commonalities and differences, weigh performance from a place of neutrality, ask the tool if it is doing the job better or worse than other tools, and why.
“Comparison is the thief of joy”. Another of those quotes of debatable origin, it is mostly attributed to Teddy Roosevelt. Now, there was a character. Not so sure we would have shared political ideologies, but I bet he was a hoot to drink with. There is a certain beauty to that quote. In essence, comparison takes you out of the Here and Now and insinuates a whole mess of “what if” and “yeah but” into a given moment. Rather than just savoring this moment - this feeling, this experience - we compare it to other moments, other feelings, other experiences, and we then find it lacking in some way.
When it comes to weighing the merits of bike A versus bike B, to assessing the worth of equipment that is evolving to serve the needs of people whose own needs as riders are co-evolving alongside the technology of a sport in some spiraling chicken/egg/wheelie drop/no hander vortex of constant change, comparison is an inevitable and crucial part of that process. Joy does not get a say in the matter. The inner drill sergeant interrupts: Get to work, slacker. You aren’t here for any of that hippie shit. You are here to decide what is “better”, not dance around naked in the woods engaging in some touchy-feely group hug with the cosmos.
And so the climb is ridden, the data logged, the feelings observed and duly noted, filed for later regurgitation. “Better” is put under the microscope. That’s the job. If the job was to be joyful, then I should have signed up to work as a puppy wrangler. I don’t test bikes to find joy, but so far as ways to make a living go, there are far worse things I could be doing. However, there’s a second component to this mess.
If it feels like I am beating a dead horse here (ba-dum-dum!) with all this talk of mortality and aging, hang in there. It'll only get worse as the early onset senility takes hold and I can't remember what I even wrote a week ago. Or when I start recycling photos... oops. Damn...
The meat that is pushing this bike up this hill has some thoughts on Teddy’s quote as well, and those thoughts have nothing to do with the relative merits and/or drawbacks of added rotational mass as it applies to making climbs slower but descents faster. The meat pushing the bike up this hill is watching in real time as it gets older and slower. The meat is aware that some discipline applied to dedicated saddle time, diet and training would reap rewards and chop more time off that climb than any variation in seat angle or choice of tire. But the meat is also aware that the cosmic clock is ticking, and that no matter how hard it trains, it is going to get slower. The meat is also cognizant that its reflexes are slowing, that testosterone production is nosediving and therefore so is collagen production, and that a greying beard and embarrassing ear hair is just the tip of the age-based iceberg of advancing decrepitude.
On a good day, I used to smoke this fucking climb. It wouldn’t have mattered if I slept on concrete next to the beer keg the night before. There was an abundance of fast-twitch muscle and youthful arrogance, and even though I didn’t really like climbing, on those good days it felt kind of like levitating when I could hold the heart rate pinned for an hour at a time and sweat the good sweat. Shit, even intervals could induce endorphin-soaked explosions of joy back then.
Now, decades later, watching the thermometer creep upward but still dawdling about getting started on the ride, I ratchet down my shoes in slow motion, swallow my creeping existential dread, and prepare to take twice as long to get up that same hill. That comparison - buried under a quarter century of aging, of career, of obligation, of the heavy shit of life that every single one of us gets burdened with - it stings. That comparison can suck the joy right out of a ride faster than you can say “osteoporosis”.
That comparison can really mess with my head if I let it; it’ll cast huge shadows across my psyche. Why am I even testing bikes? I can’t climb fast enough to credibly assess the red mist potential anymore, and I can’t rail the downs hard enough to break things, so what good am I? What relevance does a decelerating never-was have when the kids today can innately rail berms hard enough to peel tires off rims and are dropping lines that I would never have even thought of attempting at my apex, let alone here on the glide toward “the pasture”?
Spend enough time in this part of my mind, and it can get mighty dark. Chasing the ghost of my past serves no purpose in the here and now. It does nothing to calm my soul as I clatter on stiff legs toward elderhood. The statistics are damning, but useless. They do not make this ride any better or any worse, and wallowing in “There goes a shadow of a former self” navel gazing doesn’t do shit to tone the abs wherein that navel is set. Best not dwell here too long.
Comparison, the thief of joy. Maybe. But then again, this riding bikes thing, it brings me joy even when I am in the grips of this comparative dilemna. AND, when compared to what else I could be doing - mowing weeds, uprooting star thistle, engaging in endless and totally futile warfare with ground squirrels - riding bikes is ace. There is nothing I would rather be doing.
It’s a good day; not too hot, not too cold. No point dawdling in the parking lot. No matter how fast I used to climb it or how slow I climb it now, this hill is not going anywhere. It won’t climb itself. Click click. Pedal circles. Up we go. There’ll be snacks at the top and sketchy booters on the way down. Let’s see how this bike works.
Sooner or later I'm gonna have to get around to talking about this bike...
Comments
Andy Eunson
5 months, 1 week ago
Sometimes when I read your stuff, I wonder if you’re my twin. Yeah. At my age comparison with younger riders really amplifies my age and deteriorating body. I deleted Strava because I don’t need to know that I was 3487th fastest on some ridiculous segment that is one of 68 segments on some long ride. That and they want money now. Also why I don’t race anymore. I don’t need that confirmation. I ride alone most of the time too. I only have my imaginary friends to mock me. But I’ve started a riding club for introverts. I’m the only member. All my outfits are team kit. I get together after a ride with my imaginary mates and drink adult beverages and replay the day on Garmin Connect.
And no XXX I’m not getting an ebike. Yet.
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Dave Smith
5 months, 1 week ago
Write the damn book.
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taprider
5 months, 1 week ago
Another great article. Thanks Mike.
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Joseph Crabtree
5 months, 1 week ago
If you are speaking of the climb to Ollason peak I know exactly what you're saying. At 50 or even 60 it was a climb that didn't faze me. Now approaching 70 it hurts a lot more and end up walking that last steep section under the oaks.
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Mike Ferrentino
5 months, 1 week ago
That's the one! I used to relish double dipping, now I dread a second lap up that fucker.
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Kos
5 months, 1 week ago
Right? "Repeats" at this age are riding two days in a row!
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Andy Eunson
5 months, 1 week ago
Or something with cucumbers.
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Joseph Crabtree
5 months, 1 week ago
BTW, is that last photo somewhere on Meyers Loop?
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Mike Ferrentino
5 months, 1 week ago
No sir. That photo is a cheat, taken over in Fort Ord, looking directly at Ollasen off in the distance...
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slimchances57
5 months ago
Yep. Looks to be near Megan's Rock.
As to Teddy Roosevelt read "The Crucible" it's an excerpt from Citizenship in a Republic... you'll feel better about yourself [and you should]. As to his politics, and any other leader, etc, from the past -have a look at the concept of "The Overton Window"
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lookseasyfromhere
5 months, 1 week ago
A stealth bonus of not getting into mountain biking until I was 38 is I don't have a spry early 20s version of my riding self for comparison. I started already achy and slow to recover.
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woofer2609
3 months, 4 weeks ago
I guess it depends on how disciplined one was in their 20's. I think I'm faster at 47 than 27. Nutrition, sleep, and experience are pretty important in cycling, and my 15-30 YO self hadn't figured it out yet.
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Andeh
5 months, 1 week ago
If there's one good thing about getting older while doing mountain sports, it's that we have literally decades of doing dumb stuff out there and pushing ourselves further than we thought possible. So when I was 40 miles into a ride last weekend, getting tired, and definitely ready for a beer, it wasn't too hard to remember rides that sure as hell hurt more, were hotter, were steeper, etc., and just kept spinning for another 5 miles to finish.
I was just happy to be out there with a couple buddies (both older than me) and enjoying riding somewhere different. It sure as hell beat any day in the office.
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Mike Ferrentino
5 months, 1 week ago
The database of past suffering is a strangely comforting thing, isn't it? No matter how hollowed out and miserable things get, there have been times when it was far worse. Quit complaining, buckle down, keep pedaling.
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fartymarty
5 months, 1 week ago
The pain cave gets deeper with age.
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Mark
5 months, 1 week ago
Get in the weight room Mike, you'll be shocked at how big a difference some targeted strength training will make to your riding and overall quality of life. Steep pitches get easier, sprints get faster, bike control in gnarly sections will improve, testosterone will increase, you'll burn more fat (= ability to drink more beer), your body will feel better and your mind will feel sharper. Forty-five minutes, three times a week will change your life.
Same goes for anyone else reading this, whether you're young or prehistoric.
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fartymarty
5 months, 1 week ago
Henry Rollins is a great example of this.
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DanL
5 months ago
In a dovetail to the old-person theme here, Mr Rollins has hugely scaled back his weights routines to favour having working joints and cartilage in his old years. Lots of small weights and many times is his new method.
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Mark
5 months ago
Lifting with heavy weights doesn't necessarily mean having to sacrifice your joints.
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MTB_THETOWN
5 months, 1 week ago
I'm still getting faster at 32, but I'm also finally starting to realize that being faster isn't all that matters, which is a relief
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Velocipedestrian
5 months, 1 week ago
Good to realise it before the creaks and groans increase. Passing 40 marked a clear inflection point in my recovery speed, enjoy it while you can.
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Cr4w
5 months, 1 week ago
If you keep listening and ramp up the cross training and mobility work with every new found creak and grey hair you'll keep on top of it for a long time. Just think what you might have become if you'd been this good with the accessory work earlier!
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Velocipedestrian
5 months, 1 week ago
Fair point.
I have been doing a lot more prehab in the last year than at any time prior, took me a couple of years beyond 40 to admit I really had to.
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Lynx .
5 months, 1 week ago
PreHab, that's the key, but it's hard to remember that we're older and need it when we come in from our rides feeling really good, we forget that in a couple hours everything will start to tighten and stiffen up unless we stretch etc., we remember our youth and how we could just hop on the bike and go hard, then finish the ride and just go about our business doing the stuff we had to do, no stretching etc.
The actual most important thing is the daily routine to keep everything a bit looser and longer and it's not something I do easily, really need to get myself a proper routine, to do every morning, especially need to incorporate the strength aspect of it, if only some push ups and body weight stuff.
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Mark
5 months, 1 week ago
Consider doing the Five Rights - plenty of vids on
Timer
5 months, 1 week ago
The annoying thing is that middle age not only brings on the creaks but often also a boatload of additional responsibilities and tasks which tend to occupy the timeslots needed for all that additional training.
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Mike Ferrentino
5 months, 1 week ago
This. So much this. I remember as a young racer who lived on burritos and had no life beyond riding bikes going up against those hard old masters racers. They had full on careers, families, and a list of day to day responsibility that I had zero inkling about. I think back on them now, and wonder about the ironclad discipline they must have had, or the seething resentment their neglected family members must have radiated, or how completely shambolic their homes must have been, because I just cannot fathom how they packed so much training and racing in around all the shit that life brings with it.
Except they managed it all. Family, work, life, and massive miles on the bike. Some of them are still doing it. I am still completely in the dark as to how they get it all done.
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Lynx .
5 months, 1 week ago
It was/is the pure resentment for the younger riders Mike, or at least for me it is, I'll bury myself to make it to the top of the climbs before the younger guys these days, even if it means I can't really do anything the rest of the day or if night ride, the next day. It's the will power/mental thing that we really gain as we get older, that ability to really dig deep and take the pain fi we need to.
woofer2609
3 months, 4 weeks ago
Commuting , if possible, sure can help fit in a good training regimen without taking yet more minutes out of the day.
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cxfahrer
5 months, 1 week ago
Wrong - getting faster is all that matters, the older the more. You have to be fast enough to overcome ageing!
Still trying to escape the grim reaper at 64. Strava till the grave!
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fartymarty
5 months, 1 week ago
For me it's trying to get faster / better but be smarter doing it. Strava weirdly does help.
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taprider
5 months, 1 week ago
I understand the racing against or being "fast enough to overcome ageing!". It is a common feeling bikepack racing, where sometimes even moving forward very slowly is incredibly tough (lift or push bike forward, take one step, lift bike forward, take one step etc.) I feel the point of the grim reaper's scythe while doing that (the day I can't move forward will mean death is soon).
And if someone says that I should stop these childish things and act my age, what does that mean? Should I appear toothless by sucking my lips over my teeth, bend over like I need a cane, and say "Speak up sonny, I can't hear you. Not that I want to hear you and your new ideas anyway".
I don't Strava, but do use Trailforks for events that require GPS navigation (bikepack, Fromme Funduro, Merritt Crown etc.) and always compare my times to others racing at the same time on the Trailforks Leaderboard (so I am just as guilty of online wanking my ego as using Strava). And getting a fastest time on some segment for the day FEELS GREAT, like sticking my tongue out to the Grim Reaper "nyah nyah you can't catch me" (yet!)
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Mike Ferrentino
5 months, 1 week ago
Ahhhh, 32. Sweet bird of youth. I remember that age as the Peak Leg Ripping Off era.
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Ryan Walters
5 months, 1 week ago
Yeah, getting off Strava was one of the best things I ever did for my riding - and it cost me nothing! I have enough "goals" in other aspects of my life, riding bikes is purely for fun these days.
If I want to race, I'll enter a race.
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Steven Hambleton
5 months, 1 week ago
Why do people equate Strava to speed all the time? For me it's about seeing if I got a healthy amount of climbing vertical metres for the week.
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Karl Fitzpatrick
5 months, 1 week ago
I mainly use Strava (the free version) as a way for my wife to see how far from home I've gotten myself. Once I've recorded it, I figure I might as well log it.
I focus more on keeping myself around the same speed I've always been. Average AF. Faster than those that don't train and slower than those that do.
Mediocrity is a seriously underrated state to be in. Too many people strive for moremoremore in all aspects of life. I'm all about good enough.
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Curveball
5 months, 1 week ago
Great writing as always, Mike.
I'm in a similar place in life and it's hard coming to grips with diminishing abilities. In my case, it's compounded by riding with my teenage son who can easily drop me at a moment's notice. On the other hand, seeing him drop me and ride far better than I ever have makes me happy and proud.
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XXX_er
5 months, 1 week ago
"And no XXX I’m not getting an ebike. Yet."
MY buddy is not a luddite cuz he bought his wife an e-bike ( asma ) so she can keep up with the fam and he always sez " its not a matter of if I buy an E-bike its when "
Warren Miller had it figured out long ago when he said " if you don't quit your job and move to the mountains to ski you will just be another year older when you finally do "
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Travis_Engel
5 months, 1 week ago
I'm reading this lying on my back through 90-degree prism glasses because, after throwing out my back last week, my yoga mat is now my office chair. But somehow, I feel like I'm still on the ascent, as far as my riding ability goes. Even at 42, I'll occasionally check Strava after a ride to find an old 6th place just became a podium. Usually without any of the ill-advised risks that I take when Strava is on my mind. And maybe that's not a coincidence. Strava is not on my mind as much as it was just a couple years ago. I accomplished what I needed to in that space, and now it's time to focus on not crashing. I'm a lot more relaxed than I used to be. Hopefully, that'll set me up well for when I'm faced with the comparisons you're talking about. And I think having Strava throughout all these stages may even help. I've been eased organically into caring less about good results. I doubt I'll ever care less about good experiences, but I feel ready for the inevitable change in how a good experience is defined. Plus, I'll hopefully keep getting ever-fancier bikes to review throughout the process, so at least I'll be getting paid while it's happening.
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fartymarty
5 months, 1 week ago
Another killer cover shot.
I join you in raising a middle finger to The Man....
and to ageing gracefully.
Thanks Mike for a great start to the day.
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Velocipedestrian
5 months, 1 week ago
And a MegaMurmer to get you flustered.
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fartymarty
5 months, 1 week ago
Edited below.
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fartymarty
5 months, 1 week ago
Edit - I fully missed that one ( shitty small phone screen) - im embarrassed at myself. Apologies all.
Now I'm excited and will be refreshing NSMB on an hourly basis.
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Mammal
5 months, 1 week ago
Can't believe you didn't mention the bike!
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Mike Ferrentino
5 months, 1 week ago
Sort of like effort and recovery, gotta meter those outputs these days! Should have some words about the bike in a week or so.
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BarryW
5 months, 1 week ago
A Starling! That was the steel rear end we saw creeping in the last article.
Good stuff again today Mike. Thanks.
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fartymarty
5 months, 1 week ago
I completely missed it. I'm defo losing it as I'm getting older... Apologies to all as noted above.
Looking forward to the review Mike. If it's any conciliation I was having similar thoughts riding my Murmur the other night. Turns out tho my "kill or cure" method to get rid of a stinking head cold wasn't working and I'd just up graded from a relatively fast, hard, worn rear tyre to something much newer and stickier - so it could be the bike after all...
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[email protected]
5 months, 1 week ago
"The enemy of good, is better".
That's the line of similar intention (and dubious origin) that rattles around in my brain all too often. Part mantra and part curse. Regardless of who said it first, I heard it from a buddy who was waiting for us to leave for a ride while I nudged a newly mounted roof rack another inch closer to the edge and stripped the fixing bolt in the process. That moment, 20 odd years ago, seared the phrase on to my brain, and I've not been able to shake its myriad implications throughout my life.
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Mike Ferrentino
5 months, 1 week ago
"Don't let perfect be the enemy of good" - that has been an ongoing theme in my life, one which absolutely cuts both ways. It was first introduced to me when I was maybe 20 by my old construction foreman, Al Nulty. His wording was a bit different though. Whenever he thought I was taking too long to try and measure a piece of pressure treated 2x4 just right, he'd bellow out; "What the hell is taking you so long? We're not building fucking pianos here!"
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BarryW
5 months, 1 week ago
'Not building pianos'
As a carpenter now superintendent I've heard that about 1 million times, although not my personal response.
Although a few months ago we were doing trim work that was pretty fucking close to piano grade. Fun, NOT fast. Spent a day making two boards once. Had to fit 6 different pipes, overhead, and be literally perfect. Oh how I wished I was grinding up hills and suffering a couple few times.
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Lynx .
5 months, 1 week ago
Damn Mike, you're swinging for the fence and clearing it by miles, every time for a good while it seems - guess you know your audience and how many are "that side" of young :LOL:
It is DAMN hard for me to not remember what I used to be able to do, how long it used to take me up that climb or along that section, but like Andeh said, I use it to get myself/give myself that little push when I think the ride or part of the ride I'm doing is "hard". The even harder part is, I know I could easily be not as slow as I am now, but for the current circumstances that restrict the amount of riding I can do, that's the real hard part and knowing I have to reserve or be reserved on rides to conserve, really, really blows, can't wait until the whole work things improves and I can afford to go out and do regular 4-6 hour, 3-5k climbing, 5k calorie burn rides again.
Oh and yeah, patiently waiting on the "words" about that little yellow birdie. Also, as to why they still give you bikes to review, well, I know you know, but sometimes good to have someone else say it, it's because you represent a very big section of the riding public and we can relate.
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Curveball
5 months, 1 week ago
On reviewing bikes, Mike has such an insightful view of things and an incredible way of expressing those insights. He can convey his impressions of things far better than nearly everyone.
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Adrian Bostock
5 months, 1 week ago
“The meat is aware that some discipline applied to dedicated saddle time, diet and training would reap rewards and chop more time off that climb than any variation in seat angle or choice of tire. But the meat is also aware that the cosmic clock is ticking, and that no matter how hard it trains, it is going to get slower.”
I have no interest in doing the things I did in my 20s and 30’s. though I would like to get back to a few of those places. Age, and perhaps wisdom, dictates that the pace will be different. Doing the home work (diet, training, rest) and experience means I can envision how long and how much effort a ride will take and tick it off with out too much suffering, most days. some days I can hardly walk…
One of my riding partners is more than 20 years younger than me, and one is a few years older. the younger one had more raw power then I ever had, and the older one is freakishly constant. I am still learning from both ends of the spectrum.
most days I ride by my self, homework.
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Vik Banerjee
5 months, 1 week ago
This comment has been removed.
XXX_er
5 months, 1 week ago
I met the guy who built the very first starbucks right in DT Vangroovy #1 had been a great piece of millowrk but the next 50 were just soulless POS he cranked out every 6 weeks and every thing always goes wrong. But I did find/ instal his cash registers in the walk-in cooler, so he did gave me a beer cuz it was sposed to be the project windup and ever one had a slight beer buzz/ was happy
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Grant Blankenship
5 months ago
This is a good column. The "You think you're having fun on a bike. You could be having more." vibe at the heart of most MTB journalism led to me to not read any of it for like....five years. Rip Van Winkled through the entire longer slacker posts be droppin' shift. I sure did enjoy riding my bike, though now I see that bike was long inadequate......
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