Your list of theoretical bike attributes - aluminum frame, simple cable routing, water bottle in front triangle, good brakes and reasonable drivetrain - made me wonder if somehow you influenced me to choose the bike I did (2022 Trek Fuel EX 8) a couple of years ago.
I'd like to think I arrived at the similar "ideal bike" conclusion on my own, but I don't want to take away from your social influence skills. So powerful!
I dig a bike that I saw on NSMB this past summer, namely this Transition Spire. I think it looks awesome; so utilitarian but also stylish and burly.